did you miss me?

i thought i found him once...but then i refused to have him in my life...simply because i thought he was not ready to be committed again because he just ended his relationship with someone else...because of my most unselfish reason, i let him go...i wanted him to look back and learn something with his relationship that just ended... because i thought, otherwise, he wont learn anything from it... i let go of my chance...chance of being happy and being inlove... im just not that kind of person...i dont want to deprive him of his opportunity to grow and be mature... i thought i did good... but why em i sad... i thought i was left alone... i thought he will come back to me... why he didnt....


when he kissed me, what does that mean?... when he held my hand...what does that mean?... when he smiled at me, what does that mean?... those talks and invites of meeting each other, what does those mean?...just lust? physical attraction? damn sexual preference!


i thought he was for me...but then i thought wrong... should i be selfish next time? should i just think of myself? my happiness and my being alone for a very long time with the next guy who will approach me and ask for my hand to be hold on to while walking in cloud nine steet? i just wanted my first one to be a very special one and not just a test or an experiment of my being when im with someone who think of me as an important person... someome to value...someone to cherish... someone to share... someone to need....